


What are you waiting for, Adam?

by e_cat



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Adam is nervous, Adam totally likes Ronan okay, Adam's crush on Ronan is not new, Gansey is useful, M/M, Ronan and Adam are wimps about their feelings, Ronan is never going to say anything, getting up the courage to ask someone out, mentions of abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-05
Updated: 2015-04-05
Packaged: 2018-03-21 08:20:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,342
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3685005
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/e_cat/pseuds/e_cat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Seriously, what <em>is</em> Adam waiting for?</p>
            </blockquote>





	What are you waiting for, Adam?

**Author's Note:**

> I started considering that maybe Adam liked Ronan before the whole Cabeswater thing, and, of course, Adam wouldn't have been able to act on that because of his father. I also wondered if it could be possible that Gansey knows about Adam, but not about Ronan. So, then this happened.
> 
> The characters belong to Maggie Stiefvater.

_What are you waiting for, Adam?_

Adam really didn’t know the answer to that question. What _was_ he waiting for? It didn’t make any sense, really. He knew, with absolute certainty, that Ronan liked him. He was free from his father. He was making his way towards the future he wanted, and it seemed to be going pretty well.

Or maybe that was the problem: that Adam had to remind himself of all these things. That Adam would never be convinced that Ronan liked him, because he wasn't sure what there was to like. That he would never be free from the influence of his father’s upbringing. That his future was anything but guaranteed, that it balanced as precariously and delicately as one of Gansey’s mother’s plates on top of a needle.

But wasn’t that always the case? None of that was going to change any time soon. Some of it might never change. Maybe these were the best the conditions were going to get.

_What are you waiting for, Adam?_

Maybe he could have said that he was waiting for Ronan to make the first move. Except that that wasn’t true, because Adam was pretty sure that Ronan wasn’t going to. He hadn’t yet, and it almost seemed like Ronan was content to go he rest of his life without confronting whatever was between them.

Adam was the one with all the information here – or, at least, more of it than Ronan had. Adam knew how Ronan felt about him, and he had a pretty good idea of how he felt about Ronan. If Adam didn’t speak, it was probable that they would go on like this forever.

_What are you waiting for, Adam?_

He could have said that he was waiting to be brave, but that was even more ridiculous. He was Adam Parrish, and he was always afraid, but that had never stopped him before. Why should this time be any different?

_What are you waiting for, Adam?_

He could have said he wasn’t over Blue, but that wasn’t true, either. He hadn’t felt that strongly about Blue. It really hardly bothered him anymore. And it wouldn’t have been fair to say that, anyways.

_What are you waiting for, Adam?_

What gave Gansey the right to ask that question, anyways?

Well, at least _there_ was a question Adam knew the answer to. He knew exactly what had given Gansey the impression that he could ask that question. He remembered the conversation.

Adam had been sitting outside, pretending to work. Mostly, he had just sat there and stared at the underside of the car.

He should have been expecting Gansey to show up. Maybe he had been. Maybe, in the back of his mind, he had been waiting for Gansey to arrive after school, looking for him. Maybe he had been waiting to tell Gansey everything.

And then Gansey had arrived, and he’d knocked on the hood of the car to announce his presence. Adam had shifted slightly, but he hadn’t moved out from under the car. He hadn’t said anything.

“Adam?” Gansey had asked. “Are you okay?”

Adam had sighed. “I was careless,” he’d said, because he had been, and he’d felt like it needed to be said.

“What do you mean?” Gansey had responded. “Adam?”

Adam had crawled out from under the car, although his sore muscles had protested a bit. Gansey had hissed in a breath at the sight of Adam’s face. That had been understandable, because this time had been pretty bad. But he hadn’t said anything, because he had been curious about what Adam was talking about, and he had known that this conversation would go very predictably once he voiced his concerns. Adam had been able to see the strain of not speaking his mind.

“He found a catalog,” Adam had informed, staring at the ground in shame, “in my room.”

Gansey had made an “Oh” sound that had been more of a mouth movement than a noise. “You took it from him?”

Adam had shaken his head slowly. “No. He doesn’t have those kinds of catalogs.”

Gansey had been quiet for a minute, processing this information. Finally, he had said, “I don’t understand.”

Adam had sighed. Of course Gansey had been confused, because Robert Parrish was exactly the kind of person to have those kinds of catalogs – the kind Gansey had assumed that Adam was talking about. But Adam hadn’t been talking about the kind of catalogs that his father had.

“It’s not – it was –” Adam had struggled to articulate. In the end, he had settled for staring at the ground and saying, as quietly as possible, “The _other_ kind of catalog.”

“Oh,” Gansey had said. _“Oh.”_ He had taken a seat. “So, you bought a catalog,” he’d said, slowly processing the information. That had been a reasonable conclusion – Adam’s mother would have been beaten for having such a catalog, too.

But Adam had shaken his head. “No. I found it in the trash. I don’t have the money to waste on things like that.” He hadn’t mentioned that he’d found it crumpled with self-hatred in the trash at Monmouth.

Gansey had nodded slowly. “Okay. Okay. So, you’re… gay?” He’d asked, because he hadn’t figured out how to be tactful in situations like this.

Adam had laughed. “Jeez, Gansey. Be a little open-minded. I’m bisexual.” It had felt kind of weird to say it out loud.

Gansey had nodded again. “Okay. You’re bisexual. So, why…?”

Adam had known what Gansey had been asking: why had he risked bringing the catalog home when he could have made do with one that would have been more acceptable to his homophobic father? But that had been a question that Adam hadn’t known the answer to, and so he hadn’t answered it. Instead, he’d said, “Do you want to hear something really stupid?”

Gansey had shrugged, because he hadn’t been sure, because he hadn’t known whether this was going to be a description of what Adam’s father had done to him earlier. “I guess,” he’d ventured.

Adam had laughed at himself bitterly. “I have a crush on Ronan.”

“Oh.” Gansey had frowned. “Does he know?”

Adam had looked at him like he was crazy. “There’s no good outcome to telling him,” he’d said. “Either he doesn’t feel the same way, or he does, and we can’t do anything anyways.”

“Because of your father,” Gansey had filled in.

Adam had shrugged. “Why else?”

“Move out,” Gansey had suggested. Adam had sighed, and protested. The conversation had rapidly deteriorated after that.

But, up until that point, it had been an honest discussion between friends. Adam had been honest with Gansey, and Gansey had been supportive of Adam.

So, of course Gansey had thought that they could talk about it again, when the need arose. And the need had arisen, because the conditions were as good as they were going to get, and Ronan had come out to all of them almost two weeks ago. And Adam hadn’t asked him out yet.

_What are you waiting for, Adam?_

_It’s too soon. I can’t do this. I’m not ready. There has to be a better time._

But there was no better time. Ronan was right there. Ronan was waiting for Adam to answer yet another question: _What are you doing here, Parrish?_

_What are you waiting for, Adam?_

Adam took a deep breath. He forced a nervous smile onto his face. “Do you maybe… Could we maybe… Would you… maybe…”

Ronan rolled his eyes. “Sometime today, Adam?” his voice wasn’t as harsh as Adam had been expecting. Did he know what was coming? If he did, Adam was going to make him pay for making him suffer.

_What are you waiting for, Adam?_

“Okay. So… will you… go… out… with me?”

Ronan grinned. “Why, Parrish, I thought you’d never ask.”

Adam scowled at him – he’d definitely been expecting this – and stepped closer, closing the space between them. His lips found their way to Ronan’s.

_What are you waiting for, Adam?_

_Nothing._


End file.
